


a moment of peace of mind, even if only for a second

by ashereads



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Minor Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Vent Post, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend, he means well i promise, i must project my emotions onto my favorite characters, i want their friendship, im sorry for this existing, ooc tadashi, ooc tsuki, this is a vent fic it has trigger warnings, this is literally my fantasy, trigger warning, why isnt that a tag yet, yamaguchi is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26912494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashereads/pseuds/ashereads
Summary: A sluggish and groggy voice came on the other line, “...Mhm, Tsuki..?  What are you doing-” he yawned “-up at two in the morning?” Tsuki stayed silent, glancing at the clock, noting that it was in fact two am “..Tsuki..?” He tried again.Tsukishima opened his mouth, closed it and then opened it again “I.. I'm sorry for calling- for calling you this late. Go back to bed-” he sniffled, trying to quiet himself.Yamaguchi sounded more alert now “What’s wrong?” he asked, the phone being shifted as he sat up in bed.“...I- you.. you said I could call you if I.. um, ever had those thoughts from before..” He stated, pulling a hand over his mouth for how much he stuttered, along with attempting to hide his low cries.(There are in fact s**dal thoughts in this, this is a vent post, please read at your own risk)
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 96





	a moment of peace of mind, even if only for a second

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, trigger warning.

It was just another one of those months, volleyball was more troubling than it usually was, leaving bed was more of a hassle, his condescending and snarky remarks had become decreased and parted in long periods from each other. 

His usual smirks started to become hard to put up, usually dry and lacking of its usual satire tones. Until he just stopped, stopped trying to put up smirks, stopped trying to provoke Kageyama and Hinata, he opted on staying quiet, barley giving in any effort with volleyball, at most he would do the bare minimum. 

It had started to become bad, he was delayed with every block, stopped thinking during practice matches, Coach Ukai had ended up benching him every game, Yamaguchi had tried talking him out of his state. Tsukishima had either only given him one or two worded answers, ignored him or snapped at him. 

Yamaguchi had been trying his best to help, but despite knowing how Tsuki would act during these times, the amount of times he was shut down had begun to take a toll on him. He felt dejected and hopeless, feeling as though he should have known how to help his best friend. 

He hadn’t noticed himself slowly drifting away from Tsuki.

It started with starting to hang out with Yachi, Kageyama and Hinata during a few lunch periods. Since Tsuki had ended up sleeping during the lunch period, he would usually leave a note with a little doodle saying he was eating with the trio, it would usually get Tsuki to give a small smile if he woke up, a moment of peace of mind, even if only for a second. 

That was until the notes ended up stopping, Tadashi even leaving the few times when Kei wasn’t asleep, in his defence, he thought Kei was going to end up sleeping again, assuming that sleep was what gave him the energy he had for practice.

Then they stopped walking home after practice, Yamaguchi didn’t know why but the silence they shared while walking home had begun to be uncomfortable and suffocating. So yamaguchi had ended up saying he would walk yachi home because “it wasn’t safe for her to be out”. 

They still talked, still went to practice together since they shared each other's last class, but it wasn’t the same. 

With that brief summary, it now brings us to the present:

Tsukishima was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. 

After practice, he ended up coming home and sleeping. However after sleeping for eleven hours, his body was awake but his mind was exhausted. He didn’t have any motivation to do homework, or study, or leave his bed. Nevertheless he had tried to listen to music, although he knew it wasn’t a good idea because of his ‘dark’ taste in music, he hadn’t expected one of his more triggering songs to turn on, he wasn’t usually set off by his music. 

A particular song had him now fixating on his own death, how people would be better without his toxic attitude, how they’d be better off without his mediocre blocking, how the only reason they keep him on the team is because of his genetics, his height. How everyone would be better off if he didn’t exist, how he should disappear. 

And to be honest, he knew people would care, deep down he knew, he knew his mind was lying to him, but he didn’t care. 

While his mind was spewing off lies to him, he could feel his hands shaking, he wanted to do something, he felt the urge, it was becoming overwhelming. 

While he could usually fight off the urge to do anything, there were still times where he felt the need to want to do something. Where he felt, if he ended up moving from the spot he was, he would do something he’d either regret or wouldn’t be alive to regret.

His eyes shifted to the pair of scissors on his desk, the ones he usually used to cut workout tape for volleyball. 

He ended up gawking at the scissors, like they just talked to him, quickly tearing his eyes away from the sharp objects. He finally felt as though he could use his body, he shakily grabbed his phone, attempting to input his passcode, only to notice a drop of water on his phone, he stilled for a moment, coming up to touch his face.

He hadn’t realized that he started to cry, an emotional release.

He sniffled, ignoring his now wet face, he input his passcode, reaching his contacts, and clicked on the contact.

The phone began to ring, once.. twice.

A sluggish and groggy voice came on the other line, “...Mhm, Tsuki..? What are you doing-” he yawned “-up at two in the morning?” Tsuki stayed silent, glancing at the clock, noting that it was in fact two am “..Tsuki..?” He tried again.

Tsukishima opened his mouth, closed it and then opened it again “I.. I'm sorry for calling- for calling you this late. Go back to bed-” he sniffled, trying to quiet himself. 

Yamaguchi sounded more alert now “What’s wrong?” he asked, the phone being shifted as he sat up in bed. 

“...I- you.. you said I could call you if I.. um, ever had those thoughts from before..” He stated, pulling a hand over his mouth for how much he stuttered, along with attempting to hide his low cries.

The line was silent “Nevermind- good night, Tadashi.” he said, wiping at his face. 

“No- wait, sorry Tsuki. I- Do you want me to come over, like you’ve done for me? It wouldn’t be any trouble” Yamaguchi stuttered out, you could hear him shifting out of his blankets and opening his door. 

“I-” Yes please. “ do what you want.” there was a hum on the other end of the phone, Yamaguchi knew him better then that.

Tsuki needs him.

They had ended up staying on the call until Yamaguchi had made it to Tsukishima’s house. Yamaguchi had been to Tsukishima’s house so much that even if he were to stay all night and hadn’t been there in the evening, his mother wouldn’t be phased by his presence, there was usually an extra plate of food for his father who was absent most of the week.

His father was unfaithful, but his mother didn’t want to believe it.

He had ended up zoning out until Yamaguchi had entered his room, joining him in leaning on the wall next to his bed, sitting in silence.

“Do... you wanna talk about it?” He asked, fidgeting with his hands while staring at the same wall as Tsukishima.

Tsukishima hesitated.

He gulped “I- I know i act like an asshole all the time, I know i can be rather… difficult to deal with. I know I don't act it… but i'm so grateful you’ve stayed with me for so long, I-” he choked up, Yamaguchi put a hand on his upper back, letting him finish speaking before he gave his two cents “At this point, I don’t know how I haven’t driven you away” He lets out a sob.

“But please, Tadashi. I know not forever, but please. Stay with me.” He pleaded, voice choppy and heavy, Yamaguchi stared at him with wide, slightly teary eyes. 

“What do you mean ‘not forever’? I wasn’t planning on anything less” Tsuki went wide eyed and looked at yamaguchi, who sported a wet smile. 

He opened his arms out. An invitation for a hug. 

Tsukishima hesitantly let himself be held, although not completely there, his want to exist had definitely went up if it meant Yamaguchi wanted him to exist.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
